50, 30, 25, 15

i got suckered in to spending the afternoon w/ relatives. as much as i like my family, i just...

find my mother to be way overbearing.

the sad thing is: i'm just like her.

i had heard of the plans for this afternoon a couple days in advance and made it clear to my parents that i didn't want to come along in a crowded car and ride around... the "aunties" sucked me in and i had to squish in the backseat between my mom and cousin. whatever came out of my mom's mouth was just so negative and put a damper on things. i just... *sigh... pray that God changes me in this department.


my auntie and uncle celebrated their 50th anniversary today at this chinese (what i call "dive")and it was interesting seeing some cousins i haven't seen in YEARS...

50 years... that's half a century! My cousin, Laurie, and her husband, Wayne (far right) have been married 30 years. My parents have been married 25 years, and my cousins, Willard and Kay (far left second row) have been married 15 years. I believe these are true examples of couples that have stood the test of time. When I asked my auntie and uncle (bottom row) for advice, they just remarked how truly old they were.

I want a love that's lasting. a love with passion.

that's it for now.

360 days til graduation!

i thought i'd be a little more long term in my title today.

i got my job back at zips. but i'm not sure when i start b/c i'm replacing of the waitresses going on medical leave for two months-- the one waitress who makes going to work worthwhile (other than the tips). but i'll survive. i'm out to search for lost souls, like my pastor says.

i went to lanikai today. it was just too beautiful of a day to pass up going to the beach. i sat there, journal'd, read a little, and waded a while in the water to speed up the tanning process. there were mostly tourists there kayaking b/c lanikai is known for it's flat waves-- ideal conditions for kayaking.

there was a local man who came to sit on the beach. i could tell it was probably his day off or something b/c he came with a cooler of beer by himself. sad, i know... when i came out of the water, he started striking up conversation with me, intent on finding out the deep details of my life. i didn't say too much and kept everything that he asked superficial. i think he tried to ask me what high school i graduated from (why do small town people need to know this??) but i didn't tell him b/c most times, people stereotype me in some way (it happens very often when i'm waitressing) i told him that i was back from college for the summer and just kickin' it at the beach by myself b/c my friends were probably working or hungover... so he came up to me and offered me a green bottle (infamous as the "beverage of choice" in the islands-- heineken) and i quickly refused. he asked me why i don't drink and i told him that i just didn't want to and didn't believe in drinking. somewhere in the conversation, he found out that EU was a christian college and stopped talking to me (to my relief). but aren't i out to win lost souls?

so i sat there and read. i came across ps 119 and intended to read through it entirely (it takes more than a few minutes for me). all the while, it said something along the lines of how much we love his decrees and search to know him more.
Lord, let that be the cry of my heart to know and love you more each day.

I came across this in my reading as well:
I am sick at heart. HOw long, O Lord, until you restore me? Return, O Lord, and rescue me. Save me because of your unfailing love... The Lord has heard my plea; the Lord will answer my prayer. - Ps 6:3-4, 9

This has kind of spoken to me as of late. it reminds me of the message that Brandon Shank delivered on Ezekiel and how he wasn't to mourn the death of his wife. although it completely contrasts it, it reminds me that even in the midst of mourning, the Lord hears our prayers. sometimes i feel like my heart is sick (a feeling i can't exactly explain) but i ask the Lord to save me with his love, which never fails. it's a beautiful thing...

i came back home and made my dad come work out with me for 45 minutes that the gym upstairs. they upgraded their equipment, which would probably motivate me to come more often this summer. i brought my green ball home, so i'll be doing more work w/ that.

i did some cleaning today around my house and i'm still working on hat #2.

i can't believe i'll be graduating in less than a year!

103 days left in the islands!

let's see... today, i went to apply for my old job-- again. i've been w/ the company on and off for the last seven years. i've seen the office clerk there more times than i can count. i interviewed with the same lady who's interviewed me every time i've come back to the company.

the good news is that i was still listed as employed in the company so i didn't have to go through the long process of filling out a lot of paper work again.

i went to see my grandma today... it's nice to know that some things never change... even the lock on her door... it's the same lock that's been there since she bought the house. now it's more broken than ever, but she refuses to get a new one.

my grandma showed me pictures of my cousin's first child. i have another second cousin on the way in november (yay!)

walking around my grandma's backyard and noticing the jabong trees and how they were producing fruit, my dad was telling me that my grandpa had planted these trees many, many years ago when they had first bought the house back in the 60s. when he died, the trees went into a wilting phase and dried up. the fruit shriveled up as well. this wasn't by my grandma's lack of watering (she waters the plants twice a day because it's so hot in kapahulu), but my dad explained to me that the trees were tied to my grandpa and felt the loss too. this didn't sit right with me as i noticed that there were many jabong on the tree that were looking much healthier than i ever remembered. my dad said this meant that he made it to "the other side" okay and is symbolic of his rebirth. uh... chinese spirituality. i didn't want to ask further for fear of other spirits. yes, i serve a God who triumphs over everything, but with the battles i've been through, i still somewhat revere what i've been taught in childhood. a little joy luck club for ya...

my dad and i walked around an ethnic market where i bumped into a teacher i hadn't seen in years (maybe almost 10). it was nice seeing a familiar face after all this time.

ooh, on a side note, it really peevs me that the first thing ppl notice upon seeing me is how much weight i've lost. they don't notice that i've changed a lot in the way i carry myself, my confidence, my intellect, the way i dress, or the spiritual growth i've gone through. i hate being defined by this measure, but apparently, it's the only measure that ppl in hawaii notice. that, and whether or not i have a boyfriend, which i still don't (which isn't such a bad thing). it is a sad, sad thing to be defined by how much i weigh and my "social" status.

i need to get away from this.

home

so i've been home a little over 24 hours and i've discovered a number of things:
- lots of korean food is disastrous on the stomach
- there's a reason why i don't go clubbing or drink: i don't want to end up being asked out by some 40-year-old guy that looks like he's 21... sorry, friend
- even though the church i go to here is really small and may be a bit old fashioned... nothing comes close to the sense of community it has. even though they may play the same songs, it's still great
- i really miss the ppl at eu... :(

during the morning service, pastor Y talked about how we shouldn't simply be spectators in our faith, but doers. he cited a passage out of 1cor9:19-27. he also announced that the evening service was going to feature a message by shane claiborne, author of IRRESISTIBLE REVOLUTION. i could barely sit in my seat in anticipation to hear what this guy had to say. I had read IR last year and wanted to immediately move to PA to be a part of this movement.

after church, i went out to lunch w/ some ppl from church. it was a great time to catch up w/ everyone. after that, i meandered around wal-mart for a long time after a phone call w/ leash... it was nice to meander without having to worry about where i had to be. i found a postcard of a cat and it reminded me of craig, dan, and scott and their fb profile pics.

coming to the evening service, i got to chat w/ more ppl. i bought a planner from wal-mart and i'm already putting things into it for next semester. i'm really excited to be doing my practicum and getting out in the community.

after service, i got to chat w/ auntie kathy, my sunday school teacher. she prayed w/ me about something that's been on my mind...

i miss my eu friends.... i don't know another place where i can find such a high concentration of eccentric individuals that understand and appreciate my idiosyncracies.

i hope this summer goes by fast.

It's been a WHOLE MONTH! yikes!

sorry for not keeping up on this thing. it's been (yes) a month (almost exactly) since i last updated you on this. sorry about that. since then, there've been so many things that have happened. there was the collision leadership conference some weeks ago that really revitalized my faith and purpose: to become a river and not a flood.

i got the b&b position for the school for this next school year. i'm a little nervous about the commitment that it will take. but i think i'm more nervous about all of the other things that i want to do.

i feel changed. my heart is not in the same condition it used to be in, which is good in a lot of ways, but there's still work that needs to be done. i wish more and more to become the woman God has intended me to become but feel so hindered by things in front of me.

i've just been.. i dunno.. i'm feeling a lack of motivation to do anything. i'm irritated. i don't want to go home. Lord, change my heart to not be so critical of others or myself.

eu24 CRAZINESS!!

so i wish i didn't work the eu24 event, but i'm glad i did. it was very well-organized and i had the opportunity to meet so many new faces that will be at eu next year. the good thing is that i get an extra week of pay for only a full day of work.

this next week, i have so many assignments due... well, two big ones. so far, the semester hasn't been too difficult compared to the fall semester. :/ but i need to get my butt into gear on this one.

whew.... this past week was so busy. i think i had some major event or assignment every day this week. there's things going on tonight that i'm gonna stop by at when i have the chance.

things are winding down as there are seven weeks to go in the semester. i can't believe it's gone by that fast! it makes me kind of sad that there are only 7 weeks left! that means summer will be coming and back to work, i go!

the thought of summer makes me sad... kind of. i'll be home in hawaii, but away from everyone here...

oh well, i guess i'll just take things as they come.

pray for me. i'm trying to deal with something right now and i don't know what to do and don't know if i should go forward.

til then, a hui hou!

back from spring break

i'll make this one a quick one.

i haven't been on here in a while. busy-ness. really.

this week for spring break, i job-shadowed my (hopefully) future practicum instructor at her site. i admit that i am really interested in what she does and hope to do that too. i have my interview on tuesday along with the rest of my job-shadowing.

i did a lot during break. mostly relaxed. cooked a lot. knitted a LOT. cleaned a LOT. painted a LOT. hw... a LOT. but i honestly admit that my "God time" was NOT a LOT... sad to say.... when i had the most time.

something's been occupying my mind lately. pray for me? this week is going to be crazy-busy for me too. i cannot believe it.

that's all i have time to say right now.

on to studying... paper writing, and reading-- here i come!