alone

so i was at the fb game today and i have never felt more alone in an endless crowd of people.

i think i figured out what's wrong with me:
i got so sick of playing the dumb cheerleader for everyone and now, there's no dumb cheerleader for me.

yeah... i think that's it.

i wish for the closeness we once had.

yeah

that.

where did it go?



i feel like such a stranger to you

i'd write you a letter

but i don't know where to start.

tracks of my tears

i know i've sounded increasingly depressed lately. there's no lying about that b/c i am.

it's the truth.

i'm trying really hard to shake it, but i just haven't been able to.

i thought of this song today:

People say I'm the life of the party
Because I tell a joke or two
Although I might be laughing loud and hearty
Deep inside I'm blue
So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears..


so-o-o-o-o me right now.

depressed

i know my entries have become increasingly melodramatic.

i dunno... these past few days alone have been so... hellish on my emotions.

i believe it's because of the medication i'm on. if this is a precursor of what is to come, i really don't want to continue with it.

i feel empty, alone, and abandoned.

discouraged

that's what i am today.

but i listened to this song and cried:

I don't understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways

Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I'm not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I need
I will say to You

It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this

You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this



Jesus is gonna be worth it.

I really wish he would come now.

blessed

tonight, i went to the "24" after dinner. it was so blessed.

i finished my reading for one class, but failed to finish it for the others. so i made hawaiian energy bars. half of it was consumed by the boys/ppl in scott.

:)

i'm afraid i'm regressing.


but my faith is strong. i love jesus.