desperately need Jesus

i had another breakdown tonight. except it was more of an anxiety attack. i couldn't move and felt paralyzed.

a customer caused this. he flipped out b/c i brought water to the table. he expected coffee. this wasn't the morning shift, granted (b/c i usually come ready w/ coffee cups).. it was 11pm. he just wouldn't let go of it. i offered to take the water back and the people on the table seemed embarrassed of his behavior.

he wouldn't stop flipping out.

so i cried and i was paralyzed with anger. i yelled on as the whole restaurant heard me.

the other stupid waitresses were just standing around and talking. i had even asked them to help me before. they continued talking

i couldn't stop crying and started hyperventilanting. i fell to the floor and needed someone to help me to the kitchen to calm down. it was embarrassing b/c i was waiting on another large party and had to leave them.

a lady from the "jerk" table kept apologizing to the other server to me, as the guy kept laughing on at what he did.

was he drunk? if he was, is he aware of what his comments can do to people?

is he even aware the i am a person? i am a person worthy of being treated so... rather than ridiculed for doing what i'm supposed to be doing. just because he's the customer, doesn't give him the right to harrass me like he did.

one of the ladies gave me the money from the check w/ a $10 tip. i call that a guilt/pity tip. i was really going to give that back to her right on the spot and tell her that i didn't need her money. she doesn't need to buy forgiveness. her husband/father needs to find it in Jesus.

but who am I to say that??

i do think next time i see them or wait on them, i'll give them back their money.

it's kind of like the whole bitter tip thing too. i'd rather them keep their stupid dollar and not tip me at all.

but the other party i waited on at the same time was actually a group of pastors from victory mission, a homeless outreach here. they invited me to a service at 100pm on sunday.

i think i'm gonna go.

i do need a double-dose of Jesus.

with a job like this, i desperately need my Jesus.