fearful doubt

i came home w/ about $100 in my pocket tonight. praise God! it's good to know that hard work can pay off. lately, i think i've been getting better at the whole waitress thing b/c i notice my pocket bulging more some days. today, i was at a store and an employee there recognized me and said that i was a very good waitress.

not the typical comment. but whatever.


i denied it.

partially because i have my crappy nights. tonight was one of those.

but it's over. thank the Lord.


there are nights i feel like the marathon of business is never going to end... that the marathon is not worth it... my pocket tells me otherwise on some nights.


God is so great in providing me w/ this job that has a good income.

it's not something i plan on doing forever, but maybe in this season.

sure, it stresses me out most of the time (so much that i dream about work) and the ppl are sometimes not worth all the fuss... but thinking with an eternal perspective, am i trying to impact them? or let them impact me?

it goes both ways, i guess.

so it's almost 3am, and i'm talking to a friend on fb that's drunk and "just wants to talk". he's confessed that he used to have feelings for me. i think that's what drunken stupor can do to a person.

that's what friends are for, right?


can i confess something? i am kind of fearful of this last year at EU. i'm gonna be so busy w/ everything... i'm afraid i won't have time to be me... to find more of who i am... to really enjoy the college experience.

i get a little overwhelmed thinking about this next year... i look at the planner of events that i have for this upcoming semester with practicum meetings, nso, b&b, and oa things. plus, paying for this semester and next is proving to be a big stressor for me. i'm afraid of getting overwhelmed in that first week back. b/c the first week is kind of a lot... but so is the rest of the semester.

i know i should've fear, but i can't help it.

Passage Philippians 4:6:
⁶ Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

Lord, I'm WORRIED about this upcoming year, even though it hasn't started. I need the finance situation to work out and to be able to get through this summer without completely wishing it away. Thank you for blessing me with this job (which can be a blessing in disguise at times). Thank you for providing me with friends that have been more than amazing in showing Your love.

I love You, Jesus.