3 weeks

it's finally starting to wind down as i am finally making a mad scramble to fit in all that hawaii has to offer me. i don't know if i'll be back next summer... or have the opportunity with the same people to do things like this again.

for all we know, such is life... whatcha gonna do about it?!

so i've had the strangest encounter today.


a girl that i've met through a friend, but never "officially met" started talking with me and eventually the subject got to the opposite gender (i find that's often the case w/ ppl our age, right?). so anyway, we share vague stories of how we liked a guy who didn't like us back and how to get over it. i shared with her how i got over a guy i liked last year... how i knew God had someone better for me... how it was "time to sing a new song"... and how i eventually got over him.

the strange thing was that she was trying to get over the same guy that i got over.

yeah.

strange. but i really believe it was of the Lord for that to happen. i didn't share with her that i was one of many that used to like him too (that would've made matters worse). but i shared with her how i got over him, and the things i've realized.

it was then i figured out that i had really arrived. in that time and since then, i hadn't truly realized how much i matured in my relationships w/ the opposite sex.

lately, i've been unwelcomely pursued by one of my co-workers.

it's a good thing i'm leaving so soon.

countdowns

i've hated being home so much that i've made a lot of little countdowns... my next gardasil shot (which now i'm wondering WHY i agreed to that... i'm not promiscuous or planning on being such)... when i get to put in my two weeks... my last day of work... when i'm leaving... pretty soon, i'm gonna put one for being back at EU.

i'm really sad.

today, i hung out w/ an old friend for more than a little while... we spent the majority of the time recounting his "escapades"... it was a little awkward b/c we ran into his ex's mom... she gave him the look that could kill... i later figured out why... with only one try.

i've come to a realization. being on the island, a person barely changes. places barely change too...

but it was so nice going around the island and listening to music i grew up w/... i'm bringing it back to eu... it's not exactly eu-appropriate, but i still like it... it's a part of my life that brings me back to a time when i didn't worry so much.

i was driving around with this friend today and we came to this wave spot and it just... captured me. it's times like those... listening to the music, seeing the sights... that i know i'll miss... chances are i might get homesick when i'm back on the mainland. i made a pact w/ my friend to call him and talk about food when i get homesick. he's in culinary so i don't think he'd shut up about food.

we almost saw mountain apples today.

God has ways of showing up

here's a cut-and-paste from a letter i dropped a friend... i'm too lazy to write the whole thing again

when you were telling me about how that customer in the cookie aisle was telling you that jesus loves you, it reminded me of two incidents that happened in the past week. i got goosebumps when you were telling me that (in hawaii, we call it getting "chicken skin"... gross term, i know)

the first one happened last week when i was so worried and upset about another co-worker. i left her a nasty note about how she needs to pull her own weight and not dig out right when it she is scheduled. she needed to clean her tables and help stock for the next shift. i was so upset one night because she didn't do it, leaving the night shift (which i worked both day AND night that day/night) without proper stock. it really infuriated me how she was so inconsiderate (it wasn't the first time) so i wrote her a letter about how she needs to be more mindful of the next shift and pull her weight b/c the next shift is not going to like her if she leaves the place empty, and the ppl she works with are going to catch the flack as well. i'm not in the habit of writing nasty notes... but i was really upset at her b/c she dug out right at 4pm without cleaning her tables and refused to do stock when a person from the next shift asked her to (it was listed as one of the tasks she needed to do). the next day, when i went into request off for this saturday, TWO managers talked to me about the "note" i left her and told me that it was an issue that needed to be handled by management. and they told me that the regional manager was involved in this and that i will need to conference with all of them. i had an "oh-crap" moment b/c i hate sitting down w/ management b/c it never ends positively for me. so i worried endlessly for two days. randomly, i got this text from a friend that said, "God saw you struggling, and says its over. A blessing is coming your way..." it was one of those chain messages, but it was from a friend i hadn't talked to in years! it freaked me out, but gave me peace at the same time.

the second one happened earlier this week. last friday, a customer was really rude to me. he kept yelling at me for bringing water to the table instead of coffee. he wouldn't let it go and kept making a scene. i tried to shrug it off, but the guy would not stop yelling at me (he really had no reason. he was drunk. seriously). i freaked out and had a nervous breakdown in front of the whole restaurant. bad idea. i don't recommend you do that. the mean guy LAUGHED and would not apologize. the other ladies w/ him kept apologizing to the other servers b/c i would not re-service the table. (i later found out that when a customer gets like that, i honestly have the right to refuse to serve them b/c they are creating a "hostile work environment"). suffice it to say, another table that i was waiting on happened to stick around after my "breakdown" and offered to pray for me. they also invited me to their church. i usually don't go to other churches, but i heard this church does outreach to drug addicts and prostitutes, which was something my church didn't do. so i went. it wasn't what i expected, but i def felt the presence of the Lord there. during service, i sat next to the pastor's daughter. she called me later this week and we talked for almost half an hour about God, ministry, life, hobbies, and other things. she said to me at the end of our conversation, "when i saw you, you reminded me of the story of Mary and Martha"... i was kind of caught off-guard, but i think i needed to hear that, ya know? there are too many times that i'm rushing around at work stressing myself out.

knowing these things makes it a little easier to work. and i dunno... gives me a peace that God hasn't abandoned me at my job. did you feel something like that when that guy told you "Jesus loves you"?

tonight, i told most of my co-workers that "in two weeks, I can put in my two-weeks notice!!whoo-hoo!!" most of them thought i was gonna stick around this time around and not go back to school... no way, jose! less than a month left of work for me! LET'S BUST OUR BUTTS IN SCHOOL (and have fun, of course) SO WE DON'T END UP WITH JOBS SUCH AS THESE... or have second jobs like these.


...

i miss my friends at school. i miss the leaves changing color. i miss the blistering cold (cuz that means i can wear a scarf!)

i miss it.

if only time would go faster.

desperately need Jesus

i had another breakdown tonight. except it was more of an anxiety attack. i couldn't move and felt paralyzed.

a customer caused this. he flipped out b/c i brought water to the table. he expected coffee. this wasn't the morning shift, granted (b/c i usually come ready w/ coffee cups).. it was 11pm. he just wouldn't let go of it. i offered to take the water back and the people on the table seemed embarrassed of his behavior.

he wouldn't stop flipping out.

so i cried and i was paralyzed with anger. i yelled on as the whole restaurant heard me.

the other stupid waitresses were just standing around and talking. i had even asked them to help me before. they continued talking

i couldn't stop crying and started hyperventilanting. i fell to the floor and needed someone to help me to the kitchen to calm down. it was embarrassing b/c i was waiting on another large party and had to leave them.

a lady from the "jerk" table kept apologizing to the other server to me, as the guy kept laughing on at what he did.

was he drunk? if he was, is he aware of what his comments can do to people?

is he even aware the i am a person? i am a person worthy of being treated so... rather than ridiculed for doing what i'm supposed to be doing. just because he's the customer, doesn't give him the right to harrass me like he did.

one of the ladies gave me the money from the check w/ a $10 tip. i call that a guilt/pity tip. i was really going to give that back to her right on the spot and tell her that i didn't need her money. she doesn't need to buy forgiveness. her husband/father needs to find it in Jesus.

but who am I to say that??

i do think next time i see them or wait on them, i'll give them back their money.

it's kind of like the whole bitter tip thing too. i'd rather them keep their stupid dollar and not tip me at all.

but the other party i waited on at the same time was actually a group of pastors from victory mission, a homeless outreach here. they invited me to a service at 100pm on sunday.

i think i'm gonna go.

i do need a double-dose of Jesus.

with a job like this, i desperately need my Jesus.

missing ewe

i got to talking to a co-worker again tonight and i just kept saying how much i missed school and was ready to head back b/c i missed everyone.

i figured out why.

the thing is that all i do here is work. i go to church once a week. i sleep when i'm not working. and i work.

work, work, work.

i don't really talk to anyone outside of work too often.

and at work, all i talk about is:

work.


all work and no play has made Amelia no fun.



i've also been missing my Jesus desperately.

all work and less Jesus has made Amelia desperately seeking.

the sad thing is that work has stressed me out so much that the first thing i've run to most times was my friends. someone to talk to.

i still do talk to Jesus. i ask him to heal my friends, guide my family, and speak into lives around me.

i just feel so unworthy to ask anything for me from the Lord.

what i loved about school were the trips to IHOP (prayer, not pancakes..) it was the relentless pursuit of the Lord, forsaking all responsibilities (not quite) and getting away to be with Jesus. it was glorious.

i just don't get that here.

breakdown

i didn't think the source of stress this summer would be so great. i started off w/ the mindset that i'm only here for a season and that i'll be back w/ my friends in no time.

i had a breakdown today. not a major one, but one anyway. i'm tired of work. it has been the source of many nightmares i've been having in the last several weeks. in these fiendish dreams, i am losing control of my temper and hitting and screaming or someone is losing their control. it's not completely horrific to the average dreamer, but it is to me.

the thing is i've been having more dreams that i can recall in the last few weeks than i've had in the last several years alone.

i don't know really if work is the source of these dreams, or if it's something else... really something else. whatever it is isn't of God. why would God give me these dreams??

i want to be with my friends again. i'm feeling strangely detached from everyone here.

maybe once i get away from here, the nightmares will stop.





they did last time.

nasty notes

one of my top strengths is harmony. another one is discipline.

the rest are major encouragers.

those two first strengths are greatly going against eachother in my life lately. i've had this co-worker who is just not pulling their weight at work, talking back to customers and other co-workers, rude... and just inconsiderate.

there were times i've had to confront her and i've been so steamed (i don't normally get that angry at ppl) but she just takes the cake.

the managers refuse to confront her (they said they've tried)

they need to fire her.


today, she left without cleaning her tables or her other side cleaning jobs.

i was upset b/c i had to do it and stayed back three hours to finish it and help out with the rush that came.


today i worked from 10 am to 11pm. i was pissed.


so i left a LONG, NASTY note.

i don't normally make a habit of doing that. it's my first.

i told her she was not only inconsiderate to the next shift working, but to her own fellow co-workers on her shift as well. i told her she was selfish and not pulling her weight.

i am not apologizing for being assertive b/c the management is not being firm enough.


some one needs to fire her.




*in other news, i'm going hiking tomorrow.

i'm stoked :)